Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Christmas Crackers

Here are some nice lame jokes, curtisy of 'El Cheepo Crackers'

Q: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish at Christmas?
A: Sandy Claws!

ha ha ha... wasn't that hillarious?? well, because I know you loved that so much, here are some more side-splitters to enjoy...

Q: What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
A: Tarzipan!

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: he had low elf esteem!

Q: Who carries a sack a bites people?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: What's the difference between a lighthouse Keeper, a thief and a pot of glue?
A: One watches over seas, and one seizes watches!
Q: And the pot of glue??
A: Ahh, that's where you get stuck!

hohoho, hehehe, hahaha and many other forms of laughter as well!!

Go tell your perents, your brothers, your sisters and grandchildren!!!

What? They wern't THAT bad were they?? Were they?!?!

*hangs head in shame*

...and we all fall down

I aint one of those people who particularly hates bugs... I don't "ewww" or scream when I see one, no matter how ugly or hairy... and I don't normally take time out of my busy schedule to play the ol' 'Squish squish' game with them... but in the case of the Flu bug, i'll gladly make an exception!

That bug has made the big mistake of pissing me off! Me... A gun owner... pissed off!!

I'll do more then squish the little bastard! I'll not only kill him, i'll kill his family and all his little flu friends...


He dies.

Preferably slowly, but y'know, can't have everything.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Have a Merry Capatalist Christmas

To all Non-French, Communists and Hippies, I wish a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

... To hippies I wish a moderately good Christmas...

... To Frenchmen I don't wish a particularly bad Christmas, but not a particularly good one either...

...And to Communists, I wish this to be their last Christmas. For everyday a communist lives, baby Jesus cries...

Thank you, and to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

An Artful Review - Fahrenheit 9/11

Clip of U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice :

"There is a tie between Iraq and what happened on 9/11"

Full quote :

"Oh, indeed there is a tie between Iraq and what happened on 9/11. It's NOT that Saddam Hussien was somehow himself and his regime involved in 9/11, but, if you think about what caused 9/11, it is the rise of ideologies of hatred that lead people to drive airplanes into buildings in New York"

It's nice to know integrity and truth telling is still a central part in documentary film making.

Score : *

Monday, December 20, 2004

Racing Frog Update

Day 23 : A shameful 3rd at Hopper Hill... dissgusting.

It was the Superfrog as well... he did much better this time round... still lost by a mile though.

Day 24 : 2nd at Snake Ally. pathetic.

Racing Frog website

Sunday, December 19, 2004


Ahhh... NOW it feels like Christmas :)

Just finished decorating our *coff* fake *coff* Tree with my sister.
It's our tradition... we ALWAYS decorate the fake tree together. When Dad put up the fake tree Sarah wasn't back from Uni yet... he wanted me to decorate it then and there!! Can you believe that!?!? Naturaly I refused and promptly spat in his face... he didn't like that... but, I still won.

Anyway, it's all done now and looks real cool :)

See below for a picture of our wonderful fake tree with my sister poseing next to it.

The tree with my lovely sister, Sarah.

Harrier Doin the Hover

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Things to do before I die. #1: Harrier

Anyone that's looked in the 'war' section of pics on my sidebar, will probaly have worked out I like military stuff... particually jets... they make WOOOSH-ing nosies, go real fast, look awesome and dammit, they're just so cool!!!!
but for me, one jet beats out the others for pure coolness... and that's the
Harrier Jump Jet.
As flown by the British, Americans, Italians, Indians, Spanish and one other that I can't remember right now.
"But what's so special about it?" I hear you shout and scream.
"FOOL!" I answer, "you shall burn for your ignorence!"
Bah, can't blame people for being stupid... it rocks because it hovers baby!! It's like a 'jet-o-chopper'!!! 1st of it's kind and still unbeaten. (at least untill the JSF comes online)
A tribute to British engituity and it kicked Argintine arse to boot!!! (they nicknamed it "the black death"!!)

Tiss why i want to fly in one before i die... two seater version of course... just the feeling in being inside such a unique (and often under-rated) aircraft would be the most awesome thing!! dude, i'm drooling at the thought of it!!!

Better hurry though... they're being replaced soon!! *gulp* Won't be able too much longer!!!!

Above is a cool picture of the Harrier doing it's trademark cool thing!

Racing frog update

Day 21 : Came in 2nd at gangrene gorge.

Day 22 : Back down to 3rd :( *grumble*

Ive come to the conclusion that there is like, one frog that keeps winning all these races. A super Frog if you will... one that's effectivly unbeatable... no doubt trained by a veteran racer.
If this Frog were to say, meet with a tragic end, i'm pretty sure Artoro the Toad would suddanly start bringing in the gold...

... i'll have my 'people' look into that...

Super fun happy weapon of death

YAY!! my arms hurt, BUT I DONT CARE!!!!!! 'cause I just shot the living crap out of a bunch a stupid clay pigeons today!! :D with my brand spanking new shotgun!!!
...and it felt goooood...

it's still not home yet though. Still waiting on my licence. soon though... soon i'll have my baby with me.

hmm... need to give it a name... *thinks* girls one preferbly... bah, can't think right now! Too much on a post-shoot high!!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Racing Frog Update

Been a few days... lets see how that slimey little punk has been doing:

Day 15 : 3rd at Hopper Hill. *sigh*

Day 16 : 4th at Snake Ally... dude! He's getting worse!!

Day 16 pt.2 : SUPERFROG!!!.... and, like before... we shall never speak of it again.....

Day 17 : Yet again, 3rd. Gangrene Gorge

Day 18 : 2nd!!! I dont believe it!!! *faints*

Day 19 : Holy crap... 2nd again!!! come on... just one place higher...

Day 20 : 2nd again dude... ok, I know it aint 1st, but it's a WHOLE lot better then 3rd & 4th!! (plus I get more gold :))

Tuesday, December 14, 2004


oooh... was part of my very first bomb scare yesterday!!
On a train home from London we were dumped off on some frozen backwater station untill we could hitch a ride on another train to Amersham. That was fun...

...though on the plus side, I got some hot chocolate and a steak dinner :)

An Artful Review - Philadelphia

The cheese! Not that stupid city in the States that stole the name! (is there NO respect for copyright laws anymore?!?)

Now, when most people think of Philadelphia Cheese, they normally think of Heaven, pure bliss, Nirvana (state of mind, not the band) and indeed, all things wonderful in this world.... but there's SO much more to this 'holy grail' of cheeses then simple perfection.

1st, you must realize that in such a competitive cheese filled world out there, to rise to the top and be named:

"Cheese of the Gods... simply an unbeatable combo of cheesiness and spreadability." - Dr. Alfred Stilton, PHD (columnist for Cheddar Monthly... the U.K's No.1 selling Cheese magazine)

Is quite an achievement. I mean, just look at the competition.. you have 'Red Lester', 'Cheddar cheese', 'blue stilton', and 'cheese strings' for example... it's easy to see why it would be such an uphill struggle for this humble snack.
Yet it's won more awards then any food stuff in history. (beating Red-meat's record in '03)

It's trophy cabinet includes; 12 from the Annual Cheese Awards in Dublin,15 Cheesefesters, 9 Cheeseorama Awards, 16 'Hugh Grant' Awards in the Field of Cheese, 8 Grammys, and 5 time 'Cheese of the Year' winner.

Not bad going for what everyone thought of as an underdog!!

not only that, but it goes with EVERYTHING! Doritos, pringles, crackers, beagles, molt bread... anything you can think of.. from throughout the world!!
The French enjoy Frogs Legs, Snails and Horse Testicles with their Phili.
Philadelphia and Rice is a hot favorite in China.
Our friends from across the pond sure do love a tub with their Flame grilled 98oz Steaks!
And even the Scottish will tell you that NOTHING goes better with Sheep Guts and Dried Blood then a generous dollop of the finest Cheese around.

and who's to argue?

Can 6 billion satisfied custermers be wrong??? I certainly don't think so! and if YOU do.... not only are you wrong, but you're evil!!!

I give Philadelphia Cheese,

Score : *****


woah... if this is what the Ninja youth are like, I wouldn't want to piss off a fully grown one!!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Racing Frog Update

Bah! Humbug... once again 3rd at Scarper flow...

Although, my frogs just as ashamed of himself as I am. (I get daily e-mail updates and there are little comments from me frog on them)

He says: "i'll never be good enough to win at Superfrog... now that i've givin' up hope, I feel a lot better"

About time you faced reality you stupid, worthless, good for nothin', pathetic excuse for a toad! Not even the French would eat you!! They'd spit out your loser legs in disgust!!!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Carabien Twizzal Tool

Italian Twizzle Tool

Love of Art - Twizzally Things

"Twizzally things?!" you say... "what on earth are those??"
Well i'll tell you, they're little metal things on chains that, well, twizzle...
(I have no idea what they're really called. I figure Twizzally Thing's as good as any name)

Now, "why would you have a particular love for such a thing?" I hear you scream... save your lungs, for ALL will be revieled...

When I was young... many an eon ago... I developed a slight nail biteing problem. (I reacon it was 'cause of my sisters constent, and relentless bullying... she wouldn't stop dammit!! She just wouldn't stop....... *sniffle*) anywho, to this day I continue to bite them. It's quite an ugly habbit really, I cannot lie...

AAANNNYYYway, I went to Dover Castle for some reason, and after skipping all the tour stuff, I went straight to the gift shop... and then I saw it... like a monkey in a jar, it stood out and caught my eye... a silver chain with a thing that span when you flicked it... I couldn't stop! I flicked it, and flicked it, and flicked it! My finger hurt, but I flicked it some more!!
30 minutes and a very sore finger later, I thought to myself; "it's only £1.50... buy it you twonk" so I did :)
It proved to be a wise investment... I found to my surprise, that so long as I had that flicky thing (later re-named 'twizzally thing') I wouldn't bite my nails!! I rejoyced and sang to the heavens!!! "The good Lord has cast this mighty gift upon me, and I will forever look after and treasure it untill the end of time..."

I broke it a few months later.

That sucked.

But it wasn't long before it was replaced with an even cooler one with the St. Gorges cross on it that I bought in London!!! Well awesome...

That one broke.

Disheartened, but not yet willing to give up, I went to America. Texas to me more exact. San Antonio to be even more exact. The Alamo gift shop to be pin-point accurate... somewhere on the left hand side...
Anyway, there she was... the finest Twizzally thing since ol' St. George. AND, unlike my other 2, IT WAS SHINEY!!! :D

It broke as well...

Then I got the one you can see in the picture above... (the round shiney one) That one's without a doubt my favourate, and I never go anywhere without it (and so far, it's out lived all my others) That one's from Italy and bought for me when me ol' pal Rachel flew out there on holiday. (thanx simone! :) )

But, in terms of coolness (that's MY deffintion of coolness) the t-shirt shaped one wins out (see picture also) says "dont worry, be happy" heh, and a smiley face! you see the smiley face!?!? Got THAT in the Carrabien... fitting i feel...

So, to conclude, I love twizzally things.

They twizzle, and are cool.

Though they no longer stop me biting my nails :(

Racing Frog Update

right, i got a lot to update today...

Day 11: He came in 3rd at Hopper Hill... he got a medal, which gets me gold, so I guess I can forgive him.

Day 12: Once again 3rd... at snake alley... he hasn't come 2nd in ages!!! come on!!

Day 13: 3rd AGAIN!!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE..... not cool.

Frog stats:

7 medals (maybe more now)
fittness score of 892, with;
Speed = 217
Stamina = 227
Strength = 228
Hopping = 220

I complain about my frog, but he's in a pool of thousands of frogs, and always races against like 20 or 30 other frogs... considering he hasn't EVER finished in less then 10th place, I guess he's done me proud.
Well done Artoro the Toad.


YAY!!! let us all dance and sing again, for my blog has been fixed!! with a new paint job... which i'll fix later as I don't like it...

so, again I say, "YAY!!!" im a happy little phsyco bunny :)

Monday, December 06, 2004

An Artful Rant - Americans

As stated in my profile i'm British AND American. I'm a fully fledged citizen of both nations and have the blood of both flowing through me.
So, naturally, I like America and (in general) Americans. And in there lies the reason for this humble rant...

I have, and have had, many American friends... Some I've known for a long time, some i've only known for a little while. Some i've been very close to, others have been great people to just hang out, and still others have been great debate fodder ("America's better then Britain" "no they aint!" etc etc...)
But they all have one thing in common, and that's the fact that Britain is not their home. Sure, they live here for two, three, maybe even four years, but as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, they will inevitably leave.

And that fact well and truly sucks.

Call me crazy, but I like my friends. And I like it when they stick around. And I DON'T like it when the U.S Air Force decides they've been in England too long and forces them to uproot and move else-where.
That pisses me (and many others I might add) right off!!!

Damn them for coming over here, making good friends, and then leaving them!

If I had a penny for everytime I've said (after a yank friend leaves) "that's it, screw the Yankees that come over, I aint loosing more mates like that!" i'd have at least enough for a tube of sweets or something... (the thought's always there though!)

I just can't help it! For some strange reason, I like the yanks. I want to ignore them, but I just can't in most cases... (maybe it's somethin' to do with my own yankee blood... I orient towards them... I dunno) but whatever the reason, I wish it would go away and leave me alone!!
I know friends come and go all the time, but this is bloody ridiculous!!

Do I wish I had never met the friends i've had and lost? No. Of course I don't. They were brilliant and I wouldn't take any of it back (a few specifics jump to mind). I just wish there was a nice middle ground... I love hanging out with them, then it hits me "enjoy it while it lasts Arthur... they won't be here long." GRRRR!!!

And it'll never end.

Racing Frog Update

Day 7: me silly frog was attacked by a pike! he got thru it ok, but man... if he'd been eaten I would have been crushed!!
oh, and that worthless peice of slim covered crap only finnished 4th at snake alley!

Day 8: Once again, a pitifull 4th at Gangrene Gorge... what's going on? does he not have the will to win or something?!?

Day 9: It was the big one today... SUPERFROG!! Thousands of frogs took part, including my very own Artoro the Toad...
.........and we shall never speak of it again.........

Day 10: 3rd at Scarper Flow... well, that's an improvement at least... however minor... and he also found out that he's qualified for this weeks Superfrog. YAY, another chance for him to fail me!!

Crazy Girl!

Today, after I got home from a long and hard day at College I had an e-mail waiting for me... seeing it was from my best friend Rachel...
(AKA : Munchkin, sweetie Pie, mistress Simone, Gary and the Plant-Pot Princess)
... I opened it eagerly... Only to find it was hate mail!! Can you believe it?!? HATE MAIL!!!! My bestest buddy sent ME hate mail!!!

Now, I can't copy and paste it, so I'll paraphrase* what she said :

"Hey you &!%$£@# $&#?%^@!!! why the %&#£ aren't I mentioned in your £^!$%#' blog?!? eh?? You not love me or something?!? I should kick your sorry &%#!!! I HATE YOU!!!! TO HELL WITH YOU, YOUR BLOG AND ALL YOUR ENGLISH KIND!!!! oh, and #&%$*$£:@?&!^<@*:~#£& and don't you forget it!!!!"

naturally I was stunned... I didn't know what came over her! She'd gone nuts!!

After crying for many, many long hours I decided to take action! and here I am taking action... :) see Rachel, you're getting a mention!! See? See?? LOOK DAMMIT!!!!

YAY! Maybe she'll love me again and all will be right with the world :) if not, I've always got Nikki! ;)

(Oh, and speaking of which, on a COMPLETELY unrelated note... Nikki, I'd watch your back... Not sayin' you're in any danger or anything... Just sayin' don't be TOO surprised if you get horribly murdered sometime soon... She was probally only bluffing, but you never know...)

*Note : I may have taken a few liberties with the quote... wouldn't say I "exaggerated" so much as I "beefed it up a little" so you know, pinch of salt an all that... *ahem*

back to blogging

YAY! let us all dance and sing again, for I am home! (well, been home for like, 2 days now, but still...)

I was up at Northampton at a youth weekend from friday to saturday. Saw lots of mates and much fun was had! The theme was pizza, so there was much pizza related stuff that was done. (e.g. Pizza eating contest... yum yet yucky)

and I had a choc-dib for the 1st time in years :) that was the highlight for me

Friday, December 03, 2004

Racing Frog update

Only 4th at Hopper Hill... you better improve ya slimey good for nothin'!! Or i'll throw you to the French!!!

Thursday, December 02, 2004


Dammit.... i went to stupid dentist today an he said i have to have another stupid filling!!
Not my fault though, i have like, a pit in a tooth and the sealent stuff he put in didn't hold up... what a jerk... i'm sooo gunna beat him with a stick if he fails me again!

Racing Frog Update

5th PLACE!!!!

This will not stand!!!

2 words Artoro the Toad... 'redeem yourself!!'

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Art's song of the day

'Blurry' - Puddle Of Mudd

x-mas cheer

Q: Why was Jesus not born in East Belfast??

A: 'Cause he couldn't find a virgin an 3 wise men!

(hehe, soz nikki, had too!)

Never did like Europe much...

What's next? "holy crap, are those green eyes??? KILL KILL KILL!!"

25 days... the countdown begins

(sung to 5th november song)

"remember, remember, the 1st of december,
Santa is comming our way,
i see no reason, why the holiday season,
can't begin today!"

wow, i thought that up in like 30 seconds just now! *pride*

An Artfull Review - The Matrix Revolutions

Yes, I know it's been out for ages, but I don't care! Im reviewing it anyway dammit!!

Review : Matrix Revolutions
Cert : 15
Running time : *shrugs* I dunno... didn't time it in the cinima and i sure dont own it!

**Warning : Spoiler Alert!**
Right, this is my 1st review for this blog and I wanted to start it on a high note... but we don't always get what we want, do we?
This film stinks. No two ways about it... it stinks...
*BOOM, BANG, BOOM, RAT-AT-TAT-TAT, BOOM, BIG EXPLOSION, BANG* and so on... now that kind of thing doesn't make a good film, but it should at the very least make it watchable! M.R somehow managed to fill frame after frame with mindless violence, big guns and even BIGGER explosions, and make it boring!
That's right, the Matrix series once again broke the boundaries of cinima... I swear they re-used the same frame over & over & over... the person next to me fell asleep and i nearly did!
That was but one (LONG) scene, what else made it crap?
The acting was far from great... with Reaves giving his trademark wooden performence, Carrie Anne-Moss hardaly stood out (acting wise... the leather on the other hand... *phwar*) and the rest wern't brill either.
They sucked the coolness out of Agent Smith as well! He was awesome in the 1st... went down hill in the 2nd with the whole multiple Smith thing... by the 3rd... crickey, let the poor guy die already!
Neo V.S Smith... blimey, the Matrix series somehow went from 'Bruce Lee' to 'Superman' in just 3 films, not bad going there... i swear, slap some spandex onto 'em and that's what you got! Can't Hollywood leave C.G.I combat to Playstation??? Why should I be impressed at a bunch a pixles punching eachother and flying thousands of feet into the air?
they tried the same thing in Blade 2.. didn't work for that fild either.
And now we come to the ending... and WHAT an ending it was... the whole Matrix series is spent hyping up this great war between men and machienes... we have our hero, saviour and destroyer of the Matrix in Neo... the stage is set, the army's prepare to face off, aaannnddd... "lets make peace"... say what now??? peace?!? sooo.... what happens to us poor souls still locked in the Matrix??? OH, so you abandon us..? ok...
What an anticlimax THAT ending was... it amost makes watching the other films rather pointless.
*sigh* ok, im tired, i'll bullet point the rest...
  • Crap script
  • Lovey dovey moment when Trinity was dieing was SO lame that I nearly died! (dont get me wrong, got nothin' against lovey dovey stuff... but after 10 minutes of it you just wanted her to hurry up and snuff it already!)
  • Robot face thing was kinda gay...

Okay, im spent... i'll finish how I started, this film stinks.

Score : *

Racing Frog Update

2nd place at Gangrene gorge... damn you Artoro the toad! (my frogs name)
when will you place 1st?!?
I wish there was some way you could savagly beat your frog when he fails you...